MelindaMcKew, Board Member, Georgia Reproductive Justice Access Network
This blog post was published in conjunction with Repro Health Watch, an exciting new edition of the Women’s Health Policy Report, which compiles and distributes media coverage of proposed and enacted state laws, ballot initiatives and litigation affecting women’s access to comprehensive reproductive health care.
Like all of our clients at the Georgia Reproductive Justice Access Network (GRJAN), Jane* called us in desperation. She had become pregnant after her birth control failed, and she simply couldn’t afford another child. She and her husband already had two children, and they were barely making ends meet, requiring government assistance to feed themselves and their children.
Jane never had an abortion before, and she was floored at the costs of the procedure—nearly $1,500! So she contacted us at GRJAN for help in funding her abortion as well as transporting her back and forth from the clinic to her friend’s home.
I volunteered to be one of Jane’s drivers. After picking Jane up from the clinic when it was over, we stopped at a nearby restaurant for dinner. I figured she’d be hungry because she had to fast for her procedure. And as we talked, Jane became pensive. She was clearly ambivalent about her abortion. She knew she made the right decision for herself, her family, and her community, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d done something wrong. Eventually, she lowered her eyes and said, “I know this is stupid, but… do you think God will take away any of my children because I’m getting rid of this one? I’m just so worried that I’m going to lose one of my children now as punishment for my abortion.” My heart sank. I looked at her and responded, “No, I don’t think God works like that.”
I share this story because it highlights the impact abortion stigma has upon individuals having abortions as well as persons who are in any way associated with abortion—clinic workers, abortion doctors, abortion rights advocates, among many others. And it is without a doubt the stigmatization of abortion that plays the most detrimental role in organizing around abortion access initiatives in the Southeast, the so-called “Bible Belt,” where the religious and ideological imperative toward “protecting the sanctity of life” dominates.
For our clients and us, such an imperative is insidious, burrowing itself into our psyches and producing feelings of shame, guilt, and humiliation. Not only do our clients live in perpetual fear of being “found out” about their abortions, but we, too, find ourselves being always “on guard” concerning our work. After all, we’ve begun to receive anti-abortion mail, and we know that doing this type of work isn’t without its dangers. We struggle to find volunteers and raise the money necessary to provide the practical support (transportation, lodging, and childcare) and funding for our clients because so few people want to be linked to abortion.
And I should know. I was 14 when I became pregnant and part of a poor family, living in rural Georgia. At the time of my abortion, my family lived at approximately 154% of the federal poverty line—the highest income level my family had ever achieved. We could barely afford the money necessary for basic living expenses, let alone the funds for a costly procedure like an abortion. And my mother was forced to cover the costs of my abortion by credit card, a notable risk to my family as we were already in thousands of dollars of debt.
Understandably, my mother was disappointed and stressed. Not only was her teenage daughter pregnant, but now she had to cover the costs of her daughter’s abortion procedure when she could barely put food on the table! But sadly, her stress manifested as anger—an anger that left me to face my abortion alone in a conservative and rural area. My last memory before the procedure is of tears rolling down my cheeks as I was placed under anesthesia, and the nurse wiping away my tears, whispering, “It’ll be alright… It’ll be alright.”
After the procedure, my mother made me vow to never speak of my abortion to anyone—not my father, not my family, not even my close friends—lest they discover my shame. I returned to school the next day as if nothing had ever happened.
And it is with these experiences that I joined and continue to work with GRJAN toward enacting a world of reproductive justice, where all people can make the reproductive decisions so vital to their well-being without shame or stigma. I personally know how difficult the decision to terminate a pregnancy can be even after the procedure has occurred. By working with GRJAN, even while working part-time and going to school full-time, I hope to help others, like Jane, from having to go through an abortion all alone and in secrecy.
*Names and details have been changed to protect the confidentiality of our client.
Melinda McKew, Board Member of Georgia Reproductive Justice Access Network (GRJAN) and a Women’s Studies Graduate Student at Georgia State University
Those who wish to disallow women a choice in such a personal decision should be willing to bear the financial burden of the alternative.
That is, the cost of Food Pregnancy, Hospital Delivery, and Health Care for the Mother and Food, Clothing, Shelter, Health Care, Child Care and Education for the child or children up to and including College Education or Incarceration.
In the case of Rape the person who is assuming choice would also be responsible for all psychological care and pain and suffering of the victim as well as all of the above.
NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND OR BEAR A RAPED WOMAN’S LIFETIME OF PAIN,
THEREFORE IT IS THE RAPED WOMAN’S GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO NOT GET IMPREGNATED OR INFECTED BY HER RAPIST.
SHE HAS A RIGHT TO TAKE A PREVENTATIVE EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTIVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AFTER THE RAPE OR INCEST OR MOLESTATION,
SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BUY IT HERSELF FROM ANY COMMON DRUG STORE OVER-THE-COUNTER WITH NO PRESCRIPTION AND NO AGE REQUIREMENT. THIS SHOULD BE THE LAW BOTH HERE IN THE USA AND IN EVERY COUNTRY AROUND THE WORLD.
I LOVE CHILDREN WITH ALL MY HEART BUT RAPE IS DARKNESS, NOT OF GOD, AND NO WOMAN SHOULD SPREAD A RAPIST’S D.N.A,OR INFECTIONS FROM THE RAPIST TO A FETUS, AND NO WOMAN SHOULD CARRY A RAPIST’S BABY AND KEEP OR ADOPT IT OUT. DO NOT EMPOWER RAPISTS BY HAVING ANY OF THEIR BABIES. DEFEAT THEIR EVIL PLANS.
Thank you Thank you Thank you Melinda for your advocacy and courage in telling this story! Women and men alike have to let go of the shame and stigma that is associated with abortion. This is our world – decisions are made that are not easy. Shaming people out of ignorance only causes more pain. Honesty heals. Thank you for your healing work!
Thank you Melinda for helping someone in need, and sharing your story. And Robert – thank YOU for replying, and seeing what it’s really all about!
If we all just agreed to stay out of grown folks business, especially here in the Bible belt, the world would be so much better off.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Positive change will accelerate when more women are willing to step forward to signify that they too have had an abortion.
The article does not mention whether the procedure was an early or late term abortion. $1500 seems like a lot of money; here in Texas abortion costs around $400.
Did she tell her husband she was pregnant or did she keep it hidden from him? Sounds odd that he would not be present during such an emotional event and that she would be dropped off at a friends house after the procedure.
SHE WANTED PRIVACY. IN EMOTIONAL MATTERS SUCH AS THESE, WOMEN PREFER TO BE ALONE WITH THEIR THOUGHTS
Anyone so stigmatized by their community needs to relocate to another community by moving to Massachussetts or California. I live in NC myself, but I don’t plan to stay in the Southeast as I will be heading to NV once my house sells. But I have never been part of any souther community. No prochoice person can do that. The best we can do is to join cultural island communities in the Southeast like Asheville and DC. Stigma is why we need The Big Sort! http://www.thebigsort.com/maps.php
MICHIGAN ALSO RESPECTS THE WOMAN’S OWN CHOICE IN THE CULTURE
Michigan? Where have you been hiding? They just passed not only anti-abortion legislation but also prevent penalties for doctors and hospitals who deny care based on religion.
Thank you for sharing your story Melinda. This inspires me to want to volunteer for an abortion clinic.
I am a committed Christian. I made my decision at age 15, decades ago, decades including 2 years’ full time study in graduate theological school. My take on the Holy Bible is that it says: God exists; God is good; God wants people to be good. I believe God is pro-family, wants people to be pro-family;, therefore God is pro-choice and is in favor of every abortion that is the best decision. David Whitney
p.s. The choice of abortion is between a woman and her god, not a woman and you.
Quality of decision about having an abortion may depend on quality of consultation –husband, adult family, close friends, clergy, social agency professionals. A major issue is whom to consult–because it is hard to predict whether someone with thorough intimate knowledge of the family will disapprove of considering abortion–with the shock of severe criticism at a vulnerable time, instead of supportive assistance in judging a situation with at least a few generations of outcome. David Whitney
For some people who are little involved in religion, it may seem odd that, among highly religious people, their reason for being intensely pro- OR anti-abortion is their strong religious conviction. Decades of involvement in religion suggest to me that the division comes from differing interpretation of the Bible. Religious or not, we can easily see the other side on abortion as immoral, even enemies; yet we worship the same God–but have opposite opinions as to His will. David Whitney
David Whitney, please don’t use religion to attach stigmatism to abortion. You are not God nor can you speak on behalf of the Lord, no matter how great you may perceive your self importance.
Leonora, David is just as much allowed to speak from his religion as you are to speak from yours.